Psychologists call this kind of behavior love bombing. It’s when someone showers you with praise or acts overly interested in you to get you to let your guard down. Love bombing commonly occurs in the beginning of an unhealthy relationship with an individual or a group. It can also recur if they sense you pulling away — which keeps people from leaving the group. “Several girls, including myself, had concussions, and she’d force us to keep practicing, though we couldn’t move our necks and were seeing stars. “However, when she could feel we were going to rebel or quit, she’d talk about how much she loved us and how amazing we were. “It was definitely trauma bonding, and I felt guilty any time my mom talked to the school and would beg her not to ‘bother’ my coach. She was fired after two years, and our team is still damaged from her.” —diaphanous_dreams But looking back, she now feels like this intimacy was used as a tool to learn more about her and control her. “You feel like, ‘They love me, they understand me,’ but at the same time, they push your limits. It’s a very subtle thing.” “I had coworkers come to me for advice about something they said in the meeting later being used against them or as a cruel joke. It was pseudo-group therapy. “She also had one on one meetings where she would try to push people to talk poorly about coworkers. Whoever talked more became her new favorite. “She began to dislike me when I stopped wanting to participate in work dinners and holiday events (it was just expected to attend all). There is so much more, but I can’t say it all. “We were a ‘family,’ but I got wrongfully terminated during recovery from a back injury on the job and am currently pursuing legal action. “She’s getting all my former coworkers to lie about me and fabricate made up situations to make me appear in the worst light imaginable to try to save her own ass. I feel sorry for them; they are brainwashed and fearful of her.” —judyc4b944c183 Cults often use specific language as a way of defining their group and creating a feeling of connection, according to Amanda Montell, author of Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism. In her book, Montell writes, “Language is a way to get members of a community on the same ideological page. To help them feel like they belong to something big.” —PHM8 “You do that as a child by the way, when you’re playing with your friends. It’s a primal thing,” she explains. “So, all the mantras and the scripts and all those things are to create closeness and intimacy and a sense of belonging. And also feeling understood, like, ‘If we talk the same way, that means this person understands me.’ But they might not.” She says. —mciaccio92 This kind of blaming and shaming encourages people to fall in line with the group’s ideology, and it can also be used to cover up harm. This phenomenon is also known as groupthink, which is when people go along with things they don’t even necessarily believe are right because they feel like they can’t disagree. And the need to always put a happy face on whatever is going on within the group can also result in toxic positivity. “What made it feel really cultish was any time anyone griped or said something negative, people would swoop in and say, ‘No, you’re doing great! This is a GREAT PLACE TO WORK! OMG, WE’RE ALL SO HAPPY, AREN’T WE? AREN’T WE?’ with huge plastic smiles.” —witchyribbon84 By telling people that their work is tremendously important and bigger than themselves, these kinds of organizations are able to guilt workers into pushing past their boundaries and accepting less than they deserve in compensation. “Teachers and admin talk about teaching like it’s a spiritual calling. They isolate you from family and friends through guilt tactics to make you work longer. They pressure you to spend your free time at school events or sponsoring clubs, you’re pressured to spend all your money on your classroom and students, and the toxic positivity is so bad that we’re afraid to show how miserable we are! “Professional development is one of the WORST examples of it. I’ve been in so many PD sessions were teachers are basically forced to trauma bond. “The last one I was in, we were asked to bring a ’totem’ that was important to us and explain it. That opened up some wounds, and I could see how much admin was enjoying it, while not participating at all. Teaching is a cult.” —abigaeljoyceanderson “It’s a marketing thing,” she says. “And it makes [the company] look good, but what’s really going on behind closed doors? What I want readers to understand is, [you have to] look at their actions. If their actions don’t speak to betterment and joy and compassion, then how are they going to achieve that? It makes no logical sense.” “While that seems standard, the whole company wants you to believe you have a great job with great benefits, but they overwork you and want you to be grateful.” —mmcdon18 She says these demands keep people on edge and worried about work, whether they’re on or off the clock. “With this constant availability, you can’t relax. It does something to your nervous system.” It’s a subtle example of how a group can start to dominate your time, but it’s not the only way it can happen at work. “They recruited young adults with little to no qualifications or people who were in rough places financially or legally, so that these people would be trapped because they thought they wouldn’t find a better job if they left. “Instead of paying competitively, they threw company parties and served alcohol at work — which the young people think is cool until they realize they need money and good benefits. “Also, they expected everybody to work insane overtime with no extra pay and promised to pay them handsomely when they finally struck it big. So wild.” —barbara7009 At work, this might look like people getting fired for putting in their two weeks notice, being talked about negatively for leaving, and being dumped by their former “work friends” when they move on to new opportunities. “We were told that [intuition] is just some woowoo bullshit and not to be emotional,” Debora says. “But intuition is very important. It’s not talked about enough.”
